You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
