I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I just put wine in my tea
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
