Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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