i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
