respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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