There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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