My first STD was from a foam party
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
