I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
where are my eyebrows?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
