I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
