Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
