Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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