You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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