Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
