i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This toilet bowl is my home.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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