So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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