Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
