i was rollin on her like bob the builder
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
