i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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