i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
