I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
