Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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