i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
