paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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