We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
