we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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