Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
