is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
