I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
