Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
