please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
