I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude. I can hear the air.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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