He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
