He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize