Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Nicole vs. Life
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
