I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't think brook has ever known best
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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