is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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