There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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