A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
