Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Non-Jews are for practice
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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