You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
