I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
