After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
