I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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