:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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