the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize