i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
