I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
