is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize