i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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