I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
