So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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