You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
