I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
