I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize