Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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