Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
