she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Actions speak louder than pants.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
