i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
