yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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