I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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