I got chris browned last night
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
