He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
