is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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