I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Randomize
