What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
