I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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