I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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