I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
People in love make me want to vomit
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
