Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
