all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
