hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
