We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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