its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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