I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
