you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
